Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Let them eat Cake, We want the Cash.

U2's manager, Paul McGuinness, delivered today what amounts to be a Fire & Brimstone, Thou-Art-All-A-Bunch-Of-Bloody-Thieves speech at the Midem music conference, in Cannes. He basically accuses everybody who has a Net connection that the only thing they know how to do with a computer is download copyrighted music files. He never specified the downloading of U2's repertoire but it's so blatantly implied and in your face that you can almost hear his thoughts.

But was Paul McGuinness's speech really about DRMs and Copyright Infringement?

Gather 'round kids, lemme tell you a story. Back in the days of 33rpm vinyl records and audio tapes, 5 young school boys gathered together and marveled at the object sitting on a shelf, in the living room of one of the boy's home. A Harman-Kardon Stereo System (yeah, you know...there's always a rich kid). They brainstormed a simple yet effective plan: pool their allowances together, buy a record featuring the artist of the times, 4 audio tapes and get daddykins to record the album for everybody. Fool-proof. Ahh, thems were the days...

The exact same strategy is operating today but instead of 5 kids "stealing" music...it's 5 million. Yeah, I get it why Record Company Mongols (not a typo) are pissed...they ain't getting the big bucks like they used too...and that must really chafe 'em hard.

Of course, in this day and age, peer to peer downloading is easy as pie. The tools to get the coveted digital whatevers are readily available and, as a bonus, user friendly. So, what's a folk to do? Well, folks will download anything and everything. I mean do you really expect, Mr. McGuinness, that Suzie Homemaker and Cubicle Bob will just stand still and do nothing...or better yet, waive the flag of the Almighty Copyright, screaming and kicking "Kill Em' All, Let the Medics Sort 'Em Out!" No, they will dabble with that WebNet thing...just like everybody else.

Record Companies have made billions from just about everybody by selling music, on every medium ever invented, at prices that were marked-up a thousand fold. I once bought a "rare collectible" EP, of a Canadian band because it was imported from England!! The bloody thing cost me 52$ in 1991 (bought at Dutchies, for those who remember). I understand the rules of cost-effective business and all but damn!

These are the same fatcats who have been, for years, feeding on dead Beatles, dead King and Queen and exploited anyone brave (foolish) enough to want to make it in the 'Biz. They've created lip-synching wannabes, fake bands, artificial dances crazes and other Barnum-esque oddities which have suckered so many people that P.T himself, in his little corner of Hell, is suffering from priapism from the sheer amount of pride swelling him at the marvel in his legacy.

I've given you money, Mr. MacGuinness, along with a few other million people out there. We bought albums and CD's, seen the concerts and bought the bloody t-shirts. We've collectively helped secure a more than adequate future for your family, helped you buy houses without mortgage woes, cars, boats and every other conceivable luxury object you can think of. Now, do us all a big fat favor...STFU. I've never gotten anything from you as thanks...but you've never seen me bitch and moan about it. I guess I really did take a page from Bono; I gave to the poor, at least long enough to keep the balance of your bank account above one million in these days of economic worries. Yay me!

The Music Industry has been gouging people for decades and now that the Empire is on the verge of collapse, the Last of the Big-Wigs are coming out fighting, giving the little people a full broadside. We are Thieves, Liars and why not, Baby Killers. Yeah...like the lot of you are some of the most Immaculate and Honest folks Diogenes never had the pleasure of meeting.

Enough of this corporate greed. I believe a Revolution now and then is a healthy thing...especially if it helps us take out the trash. So go ahead, Suzie and Bob...dabble with the WebNet.


Tuesday, January 15, 2008

One more thing...I'm choking on air.

Sensing that His minions have been without a fix for a while, His Royal Steveness dished out an unhealthy dose of RDF to the world. In his Cultnote, HRS floated another biscuit called AIR. A notebook the size and weight of bathroom tissue, touted as the best, the skinniest and the flattest thing this year save the latest batch of European Supermodels. A dubious distinction but no Mickey Mouse about this latest iCrap.




You can pinch, rub, perch and rotate your way to Internet porn just like the rest of us PC twits, whilst doused in the soothing light emanating from the LED display/backlit keyboard. That way, you won't need extra lighting when mooning the iSight, slapping the Safari, screaming oohh's and aahh's, extolling the power of Apple for 5 hours, secretly wishing to become the next viral Leave-Steve-Alone poser!

As thing goes, no optical drive of any sort will be found on this gizmo. No, sorry kids, but you'll have to download all your music before you leave on the plane and should the sudden urge to listen, misty eyed, to Spandau Ballet hit ya hard, you can't pop in that long lost CD, nope...but you sure can buy the tracks online at the speed of your connection!

All FanBoys out there (btw, I don't discriminate between the sexes) are now wet-dreaming a new reason for living as the psychoactive substance is slowly metabolized out of their bodies. Scheming and plotting new ways to find 1800+ bucks(USD), they are already giving themselves any and all reasons/excuses to switch the perfectly good portable they bought 6 months ago. So go ahead, throw away that silly laptop, polluting the land/water table in one swift stroke and buy a supposed "environmentally" friendly unit - yeah, good idea.

Pssst, to all marketing students out there, here's a hint...unlearn what you have learned...HRS's recipe works.

It all comes down to the Eternal Computer War between the insufferable i-anything-dork and the ubiquitously out of touch techno-dweeb. Since the Space/Time Field is so warped and the glass so opaque in Redmond that nobody can be reached or bothered to take a page from The Competition and give us a chance to also acquire cool shyte, We, the PC sufferers react with cognitive dissonance at the mere thought of iJunk.

We believe in the power of said fruity technology but we still remain hesitant because of the cult-like disposition of the FanBoy. We don't believe the Hype of HRS, nor the power of the black high neck shirts. In this case, less is not more. We've been fooled by a nerd once...therefore we refuse to be lobotomized by a geek.