NHL, The Pure.

Gary "Blinders" Bettman testified today, in front of a US House subcommittee, that the Boys of Winter are free and clear of any and all 'foreign' substance(s) that may or may not enhance their game. Yeah and Sylvester Stallone should've won that Oscar.

Major League Sports are riddled with juiced, artificially pumped up people that we call athlete. We have the technology to make them better, stronger....faster (cue music). We also have the technology to mask that technology! Wow, hey kids, the future is in Bio-Engineering...apply now for great incentives, bonuses and jail time! The old saying about a mouse and a mousetrap still applies today.

Man has always found a way to beat the System, to cheat his way into the Pantheon. It is in our Nature, we are hard-wired to be champions, we want to win by any means necessary. Every chink in the armour is exploited, any loophole quickly seized upon and if we can't go to the mountain, then by all means, we have the mountain come to us. New materials have been invented, new rules written, designer drugs created, all to help Man win...in the name of Health and Sports. Therein lies the dichotomy, one can't promote a healthy body and sportsmanship when he's shooting an armful of 'roids to better cheat the game!

Professional Sports at large have a Turn-A-Blind-Eye policy put in place somewhere when it comes to banned substances; a plausible deniability clause circumventing any haphazard comments or accidental slip of the tongue. The NHL and Gary Bettman are no exception to this, whatever he wishes us to believe. He is the CEO of a successful corporation and therefore accountable to the goings-on of said corporation. A preemptive strike has been ordered by the Investors and Gen. Gary will deliver.

With the MLB and the likes of Bonds, Clemens, Pettite et al implicated by the Mitchell Report in a major drug use scandal, the NHL commish will use this occasion to tell the world that his guys are fresh and pure as new fallen snow. By testifying that his boys don't take steroids, he probably wants and expects to be able to move the League out of the firing line and into a media-free No Man's Land, exempt of prying eyes and ears. If it's in the closet then thus it shall stay. All good but for the fact that steroids aren't the only banned substances out there.

So, M. Bettman, stick to the carefully crafted, lawyer approved, My-Guys-Are-Saints documents in front of you and inveigle the Committee. Tell them exactly what you want them to believe. As you read the words, hang a frown of concern and belay to us, the non-believers, the sentiment that you are in charge, that your Drug Policies are golden rules of conduct obeyed by all players, that the one (!) kid who was tossed from the League was the only bad apple in the cart.

Now who's trying to beat the System?

The Bowled Over Monday Morning QB.

Another Super Bowl has come and gone. What do we need to remember from it, for future reference?

Winners: the NY Giants, qualified underdogs and Slayers of Gods. Losers: The afore-mentioned Gods, the New-England Patriots.

What the bloody hell was I watching last night? I’ve never seen a game as boring and as unbelievable as this one. Anymore turnovers and I would’ve sworn I was in a bakery. From either side, depending on who had possession, the offensive and defensive lines sucked rocks and when they did wake up, they promptly hit the snooze button for another 10 minutes!

This game should’ve ended with a record of Epic proportions, the Pinnacle of Footballdom. Instead, Tom “Sad Sack” Brady, Randi “Gathering” Moss, Junior “Retired” Seau and the rest of this lack luster team just couldn’t be bothered to prove to the Western World that a 19 and 0 season was possible. Gods, right!

The leader of this Great Team, Bill “Upham” Belichick, on the other hand, did proved to the World that it’s more than possible to be a classless schmuck on National TV and that cowardice is not exclusively reserved for war movies. Mind you, I’m a little harsh…they did go 18-0…but it won’t matter ever again. That ship has sailed and sank. The 2007 season will regardless go down in the books as a failure.

I won’t say that the Giants fared any better. Eli “Coattails” Manning was weak and his offensive line followed suite. Hot on the heels of two huge back to back victories against Dallas and Green Bay, the ones with nothing to loose should’ve shot out the tunnel at Mach 2 with their hair on fire. Instead they jogged out like little old ladies...uh-oh, this game might suck! They only won because the other guys didn’t give a shite. Slayers indeed!

The only good thing out SB- XLII, that impossible catch by David Tyree, effectively breaking the Patriots back. It will be featured on the Best Damn Whatever sports show for decades to come.

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I’ve always had a soft spot for the Underdogs of this World, the They-Might-Have-A-Chance team. Most of my teenage sports playing years have been centered around this concept since I either played in a loosing (but Damn they have Heart) team or trudged along and won games and points through blood, sweat and tears. I’ve come to respect this notion even if it lead me to a ‘career’ ending injury.

The Curse of the Underdog, as I call it, eventually became a polished, oft repeated practice from my buddies. On Game Day, they will ask me which team I’m rooting for and promptly bet on the opposing team. I have an uncanny knack at picking the losing teams. The lads have made cash from this dubious talent and still find it uproariously entertaining. Yeah, thanks fellas! I’m a bookie’s dream, the sucker who always thinks the next one will be the Big One. Good thing I don’t gamble…I’d have been found belly up in the Seaway by now.

See, that’s the catch. If I bet on the game using my “talent” Murphy and his Unyielding Law will negate the effect and the reverse will happen. Last night was no exception. The irony of this situation however, is that I decided to change my usual game plan; I chose the Powerhouse Team, the sure bet. I betrayed my ideals because I’ve had it with loosing all the time. For once, I wanted some gratification, some bragging rights…pfeh!

The Curse lives on!